帮我挑挑语法错误!A girl ,who was beautiful and lovely,was in a bank with her boyfriend .They were going to marry ,so they came to the bank to drew some money.But suddenly ,a couple of men wearing stocking masks broke into the bank.Then the gi

帮我挑挑语法错误!
A girl ,who was beautiful and lovely,was in a bank with her boyfriend .
They were going to marry ,so they came to the bank to drew some money.
But suddenly ,a couple of men wearing stocking masks broke into the bank.
Then the girl heard some sound of shouting ,crying and shooting.
…………
When the girl came round,she found herself in a hospital.
A man was sitting beside her bed.He looked old because of his gray hair and his aged face.
“Who is he?”the girl exert(运用) all her power to thought,“ I can’t remember anything!Maybe he is my father!”
“Dad ,what happened to me ”
“Well……Nothing serious.You was only a little frightened.”the man answered her after a moment’s pause.
Afterwards,the girl came to life ,started a new career,and found a boyfriend.
One day ,she took her boyfriend to her home.
The boy told the man that he would take the girl as wife.The man’s facial expression was complex.
He led the boy to his room.After a long time,they came out.
The tear stains(泪痕) were clear on their faces.
No one knew what had happened.
The other day ,the boy took the girl to the bank,which might be familiar to us.It was in the bank that the girl came upon(遇到) the robbers.Not only we but also the girl realized it.She recalled everything.
She rushed out of the bank and ran home.She opened the door of his father’s room at one push and only found a piece of paper on the desk.It said that his father had something important to do ,so he would leave for a long time ,maybe never coming back.
She looked for every corner of the room,and finally she found a wedding photo.She was in the photo ,beautiful and lovely.Beside her standed a young man ,tall and handsome .
She called him “Father” just then,but in fact she had been an orphan (孤儿) when she was a child.
A few years ago ,she called the man “My love”.

取钱drew --draw
sound 改为noise更好
at one push改为 in a hurry
It said that 改为 It's said that
coming---came
standed--stand,这里按照照片中的时态,不必用过去时,而且过去时也应该是stood

没错啊

“Who is he?”the girl exert(运用) all her power to thought,
是“to think”
动词不定式不用过去时

1在"They were going to marry "前加because，因为这是个原因状语从句
2drew__draw 原因；动词不定式to后+动词原形 ，这里的draw不但有“画画”的意思，还有“取钱”的意思。
3sound --sounds 原因；sound 是个可数名词，所以要用复数形式。
4thought--think 原因；动词不定式to后+动词原形

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1在"They were going to marry "前加because，因为这是个原因状语从句
2drew__draw 原因；动词不定式to后+动词原形 ，这里的draw不但有“画画”的意思，还有“取钱”的意思。
3sound --sounds 原因；sound 是个可数名词，所以要用复数形式。
4thought--think 原因；动词不定式to后+动词原形
5 was --were 原因；you are 搭配 are 的过去式是were
6we--us 原因：we的宾格形式是us
7coming --came 原因；never加动词的原形 但这里是过去的事情 所以用过去式came
8standed--stood 原因；stand的过去式是stood
加油哦 好好努力！！！

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maybe never coming back.
maybe never come back

偷懒别见怪哈，直接从原篇里改：
A girl ,who was(改为is,一般现在时表状态) beautiful and lovely,was in a bank with her boyfriend .
They were going to marry（改为get married，要用被动时态） ,so they came to the bank to drew（改为draw...

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偷懒别见怪哈，直接从原篇里改：
A girl ,who was(改为is,一般现在时表状态) beautiful and lovely,was in a bank with her boyfriend .
They were going to marry（改为get married，要用被动时态） ,so they came to the bank to drew（改为draw,不定时后面是动词原形） some money.
But suddenly ,a couple of men wearing stocking masks broke into the bank.
Then the girl heard some sound（改为sounds,依原句应用复数） of shouting ,crying and shooting.
…………
When the girl came round（改为around,come around是固定搭配，意思是”苏醒过来”）, she found herself in a hospital.
A man was sitting beside her bed. He looked old because of his gray hair and his aged face.
“Who is he?”the girl exert(运用)（改为exerted，统一为过去时态） all her power to thought（改为think）, “ I can’t remember anything! Maybe he is my father!”
“Dad ,what happened to me ?”
“Well……Nothing serious.You was（改为were） only a little frightened.”the man answered her after a moment’s pause.
Afterwards, the girl came to life（没有这种说法，可能想表达”回到生活当中”，用went on with life不错） ,started a new career, and found a boyfriend.
One day ,she took her boyfriend to her home.
The boy told the man that he would take the girl as wife. The man’s facial expression was complex.
He led the boy to his room. After a long time,they came out.
The tear stains(泪痕) were clear on their faces.
No one knew what had happened.
The other day(The other day是”几天前（中的某一天）”，句意不对，改为Later) ,the boy took the girl to the bank, which might be familiar to us. It was in the bank that the girl came upon(遇到) the robbers.Not only we but also the girl realized it.She recalled everything.
She rushed out of the bank and ran home.She opened the door of his father’s room at one push and only found a piece of paper on the desk.It said that his father had something important to do ,so he would leave(leave表示的是"点"动作,要改为表示状态的be away) for a long time , maybe never coming back.
She looked for(looked for后面必须及物，即接名词，应改为searched) every corner of the room,and finally she found a wedding photo.She was in the photo ,beautiful and lovely.Beside her standed(改为stood) a young man ,tall and handsome .
She called him “Father” just then，but in fact(in fact后面要加逗号！！) she had been an orphan (孤儿) when(改为since，因为整体是个完成时态) she was a child.
A few years ago ,she called the man “My love”.

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