英语语法 “TOEFL” 或者老师 Check下 From my point of view,some people hold the opinion that people should follow the dream.However other people hold the negative attitude.As far as I am concerned ,I agree with some people should focus to a

英语语法 “TOEFL” 或者老师 Check下
From my point of view,some people hold the opinion that people should follow the dream.However other people hold the negative attitude.As far as I am concerned ,I agree with some people should focus to achieve the realistic goal.
Some people think that idealism object is best way to achieve them self-actualize and also can cultivate them spirit of preserve to do everything.For example,we know that some typical case from famous people,such as a Steve jobs .Every body knows Iphone is from his company.Actually,his successful is not easily.Because Steve who was born a poor family,and he also was an orphan when he was child.However he never gave up his dream that becoming a great CEO.Finally,the Steve jobs achieved his dream that creating the greatest company-APPLE around the world.
Second and foremost,I think if I can achieve my object through realistic to finish it.It can help me to cultivate my self-confidence.Because these realistic success can let me know that achieving these dreams are not difficult.It can enhance your self-confidence to do everything.For instance,I was afraid of swim when I was a kid.Until,my father told me that swimming a little step every time for me.Gradually,I had learned swam and taste the benefits of victory to me.In the end,I was interested in this sports.
To sum up,maybe there are a few people can achieve ideal dream to them.However,most people who finishing them realistic dream.Thus,I hold the opinion that some people should focus to achieve the realistic goal.

语法错误：第一段最后一句with删,或加the view that
第二段BEST前加THE,THEM换为THEIR PRISERVE变为动名词
下一句CASE后加S,FROM换为OF
下一句SUCCESSFUL换为SUCCESS,EASY
下一,去掉WHO,A前加IN,CHILD前加A
下一句,THAT换为OF
下一句,THAT换为OF
第一个SWIM改SWIMING
最后一段CAN前少主语
WHO后用原型
文章堆砌痕迹过重,不自然,建议在连词或副词,介词等方面多加,研究
其他的还有一些关于增强文章可读性的方法,希望可以和同学一起讨论,我相信你可以做的更好的