请改一句话:My experience in this line of work includes three years as a salesman in a small local company.我想可改成:I have some relevant working experiences in this line of work,which includes my working as a salesman for a small local

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请改一句话:
My experience in this line of work includes three years as a salesman in a small local company.
我想可改成:
I have some relevant working experiences in this line of work,which includes my working as a salesman for a small local company for three years.
但是不确定,请大侠们帮忙

你这样改没问题,如果实在要挑,建议把第一个working (relevant working experiences中)去掉,跟后面的my working as稍显重复.

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