帮忙改一篇TOEFL作文I think people go to university because they want to find a good job.A good job will affect one person's live.So it is very important for everyone to make decision.First,people are easier to find a job if he or she was gradu

帮忙改一篇TOEFL作文
I think people go to university because they want to find a good job.A good job will affect one person's live.So it is very important for everyone to make decision.
First,people are easier to find a job if he or she was graduated from a university rather than a high school.Because business are willing to hire a person who has a high diploma.Undering today's fierce competitions,it is more difficult for a high school student to find a satisfied job.So more and more students attend university.For example,If there are two person,they all wants to be a computer governor of one company,one of them is graduated from an university,but another never entered an university,the reason is that company always wants to hire a person who has particular kills about his job.
Secondly,a university student is more possible to receive a high salary.Businesses are not wanted to lose the good employees,so they will raise good employees’ salaries to let them be loyal to their cause.And the students graduating from universities always have good attitude to their work,because they are accepted high education,so many people enter university for a high salary on their future works.
Thirdly,you can study how to learn things well and effectively in university,because the study in university is really different from lower level’s schools.In the university,students need to learn many different courses at the same time,so after them,people can know how to learn something quickly and this is very useful for their future works,because people will never be too old to learn.

affect(derogatory sense)—>influence
people are easier to find a job——>it is easier for people to find a job,
he or she was graduated,"was" should be expunged
are->is they->he etc
a university student is more possible the same question with the aforementioned one
Businesses are not wanted make no sense
loyal to their cause what do you mean by saying "cause"
are accepted->accept->receive
overall,your argument is somehow too unconditional,which is not appreciated in the Toefl Writing.better to include some restrictions.
to be honest,you won't be able to earn a decent score with such an article.
advise:take some basic exercise such as reading some model essays before commencing on writing.

think so.

you need a conclusion at least

语法错误不少