请老师分析我的句子有没有错overall,l agree that children are able to grasp some particular skills ;however ,those who want to be good in such fileds ,like music art or sport ,really needs some talent(或者 aptitude) (可不可以去掉th

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请老师分析我的句子有没有错
overall,l agree that children are able to grasp some particular skills ;however ,those who want to be good in such fileds ,like music art or sport ,really needs some talent(或者 aptitude) (可不可以去掉those直接用 who从句作为主语从句need 为宾语)

前面的 Overall, I agree that children are able to grasp some particular skills 不存在问题,后面有几处错误.

  1、such as 或 such…as 是固定搭配,不能讲 such like 或 such…like.可以修改如下:

  * such fields as music, art or sport
  * some fields like music, art or sport

  2、those who want to be good in such fields as music, art or sport, really needs some talent(上面提到过的此处已经修正)中也有两处不妥:

  * those 是复数主语.后面的动词不能用单三形式 needs;
  * who want to be goodin such fields as music 是限制性定语从句,后面的逗号要去掉.

修改如下:

  however, those who want to be good in such fields as music, art or sport really need some talent